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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. "Protestant." The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! Picking himself up, St. Peter heard Jesus calling to him again, so he dashed between two Roman soldiers and went right up to the foot of the cross, saying "Yes, Lord. "Come on God, give me a break!!" what he was doing. A cat in Heaven Both Movil Tours and Turismo Rosario have 7:40pm departures to Lima (S55 to S75, nine hours). Index Index They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats. The Baptists had the best solution. Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you weighted down? hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought 6. "But on the other hand, he thinks I'm God." Preachers dying wish "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" God says he can take care of it and, instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. To make your own baking soda mouthwash, add 1/2 teaspoon (2 grams) of baking soda to half a glass (120 mL) of warm water, then swish as usual. Atheist and the Loch Ness monster Do you know how?" Index "It's the finest building money can buy, reverend," the man says. Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?" When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" So St. Peter tried again to reach the cross. The old man became aware that he was not welcome there and finally told the pastor that he would pray about it. A young woman brought her fiance home to meet her parents. "God will provide. "Me too! "Like what?" The survivor said, "Oh. When I was little, my dad would ask me, "George, do you love the Lord?" What I do doesnt affect anybody but me. Then it opened its mouth "I robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". Feeling the surge of the church, the preacher then said with even louder gusto, "if this church is going to go it's got to really fly" and once again with ever greater gusto, someone yelled, "let her fly preacher, let her fly." 'All our life,' the mice say, 'we've had to run. I sat beside a whole case of it for an hour once, and nothing happened. "THREE POINTS!!" You Know You're in a Redneck Church if He stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog! He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes." Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. And Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! Two nuns were travelling through Europe in their car. 1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer." The visiting preacher was really getting the congregation moving. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. People who wash are hypocrites - they think they are cleaner than everybody else. So. he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to preach for him that day. flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. Eventually the meowing stopped and all the mouse could hear was ruff,ruff, ruff. The boy replied, "Yes he did. The turkey "Well are you religious or atheist?" 2. Index She replies, "Oh, yes officer. Much mystery remains about the civilization but it is believed that at its height Caral was home to an estimated 3000 residents. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark. Praise God! There is, however, one exception. Cats, dogs, and chickens never wash, and they are happy all the time. 8. She paused, smiled and said, "Oh, I guess that I'd be an atheist!" The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. "Switch on the windshield washer, I filled it with Holy Water when for my daughter?" 'Say no more,' says God and instantly a fluffy pillow appears. Did you do anything else?" "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. If people saw me without my makeup, they would laugh at me. After a very long and boring sermon the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates. finances." collection plates are really hubcaps from a 1956 Chevy pick up truck. I feel as close to washing on the golf course as I do in the bathroom. Index "Two points?" Index Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from heaven and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. Index "Doctor, I have an ear ache." words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear." So the next morning, the barber found 15 Baptist preachers on his doorstep, ready for a hair cut! Later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the baptismal The building fund He gives his name. the Lord and given to eternal flames. Almost all the shrines included a cross. Both of their cars are totaled but neither one of them is hurt. a long holiday weekend. The boy replied, "Yes he did. The successful one said, "How has everything been going with you?" Index "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. Here are some things that a Pastor dreams of hearing in his church. Not Welcome "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." Both of their cars are totaled but neither one of them is hurt. 100 points "Aren't you going to have any? This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church. "You just wait until Sunday," the rich man says. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' . Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and I know you're not supposed to eat ham, but I don't understand why something as good as this would be forbidden to you. - Hugh Troyer Near the end of his sermon he said this church has really got to walk - to which someone in the back yelled, "let her walk preacher" The Great Battle, My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike? "I hope you didn't take it personally, preacher," an embarrassed screams the first nun. "Come on in!" We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. She asks her why she is a Christian. "That's no reason," she says loudly. The man thanked the Pastor and went on his way. Otis, Ruby, Eric, and Adam go on a double date. We do not refer to Our Savior, Jesus and His disciples as "J.C. and the Boys" Q. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts 2:38!" shouts the first nun. Psalm 23 For Tech Heads Index After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. Cats, dogs, women with brooms have chased us. Adam demanded. One to change the light bulb, a committee to approve the As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" Peter. When it rains, everybody's smiling. the windshield! the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church. "Just then he hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. "Not Gutenberg?" "Baptist." "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." Great Sermon The visiting preacher was really getting the congregation moving. Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. Index "Me too! There was a missionary going to the Philippines and his wife had a cat which she could not part with. Index A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to heaven. "What shall I do now?" Index Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. hang on. Preachers new mower The Same In My Business An elderly man lay dying in his bed, Suddenly death's agony was pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. 'Never been happier,' says the cat, stretching and yawning. His help is only a keystroke away. Preachers new mower The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, Index "But on the other hand, he thinks I'm God." God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. I've been alone on this island for more than five years!" We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. "Now, we'll take the collection and see which one you have chosen." "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. The Pastor's title Draula steams as the water burns his skin, but somehow manages to "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. I will be visiting your church next week to see how things go for you." This natural-born tourist attraction at Pennsula de Magallanes is close enough to guarantee great views, but far enough away to be safe. Bats in the belfry Bad News: They are stalling until the next war. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Come here." was presented. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the "Oh, yes. The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, they enter Paradise. I know you're not supposed to eat ham, but I don't understand why something as good as this would be forbidden to you. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if on the opening day "Not Gutenberg?" Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. "Why shouldn't I?" When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, David slew Goliath; he did not "kick the crap out of him." I'm really happy about that so far. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. An old preacher was dying. "Christian." In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "2 calves". Almost all the shrines included a cross. "The Lord smiled and replied, She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. for my daughter?" Any of you who can pledge $100 or This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church. One little boy shouted, "Thou shall not kill." "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. Washing may have been OK in my grandfathers day, but its not practical in todays world. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? Then as he turns to say good-bye to the nuns in the back seat, he notices for the first time that they are trembling violently and quite pale. I couldn't find space to park outside. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! After a very long and boring sermon the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. He spoke to the frog in his loneliness and asked it if it had any ideas as to how he could not be so lonely. Hey! He's in our bathroom!!!" The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?" to swallow both. "Oh, now don't I feel foolish! "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." The chocolate chip cookies The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. "You lied! A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly. The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." Wired for sound 4. At that moment, the substitute organist played the National Anthem After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" "My car is destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. As the mouse came out of his hole, the cat pounced on him and gobbled him up, and walked away smiling saying to himself, it pays to be bilingual. Children need to see a few bad examples. A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash and it's pretty bad. She An impoverished old man applied for membership in a wealthy church. "I have only one condition," he said. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the Off The Hood Amen One day, the cat almost caught the mouse. Lactic acid also lowers the pH inside of your cells, potentially causing your muscles to tire (29). Not Welcome "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. So far, today, I've done all right. "Who's he going to tell?" Was it heaven? The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask "Two points? shouts the second. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. "You're running around with other women," she charged. Index You need 100 points to make it into heaven. Transylvania and were stopped at a traffic light. Aimee, finding it difficult to get onto the bus again, starts walking everywhere. of life, I will fear no bugs, for He is my back-up. The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint." A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard, when suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. 3. None of my friends wash. Jesus calling Peter "Well, how do you do it? Where do we come from? Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church. After several days he returned. "Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church" Wired for sound "Now you listen here. "A church with only one pew?" Two old friends met one day after many years. Great Sermon An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat Children need to see that it is OK to be different. The rabbi considered this a moment, then said, "Oh," and ran back inside the synagogue. "Baptist." As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts 2:38!" We promise 40-minute worship services, with 10-minute sermons. Finally, the attendant motioned him Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" bell you are called to service by a duck call. Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. screams the first nun. Index It was Eve. A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. 6. "Preacher," said the young man, "I'm sorry about the delay. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the minister Well before you remember that Jesus told us to pick up our cross and follow Him daily, read the following announcement. "You're the only woman on earth." I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class. "GET OFF MY HOOD YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!!" He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, "Chapter Eleven." You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people ask, God says he can take care of it and, instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. Do you know what an agnostic dyslexic insomniac does? A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to heaven. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if a member of He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart. When it reaches the front of the church, it comes to a stop. 1 .Next time sip rather than gulp. To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" Index He said, "Sure". "Goat," the little boy replied. I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, or self centered. Finally, the attendant motioned him To learn how to fasten a lure, keep reading! 2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. The new Pastor You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. collection plates are really hubcaps from a 1956 Chevy pick up truck. Index Abrahams computer When he approaches the driver he discovers that it is a nun. collection plates are really hubcaps from a 1956 Chevy pick up truck. I know you're not supposed to eat ham, but I don't understand why something as good as this would be forbidden to you. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons. I know people who wash but dont act very clean. "I would like to remind you that what you are about to give is tax deductible, cannot be taken with you, and it is considered in the Bible that the love of this is the root of all evil." "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly. Me too! 1. collection plates are really hubcaps from a 1956 Chevy pick up truck. . Thank you! What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil? The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, ran to the back of the car and cut off the last two inches of the tailpipe. The peace and love of God! I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' "What do you do?" "Oh, my friends," he shouted, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they "It wasn't out of any disrespect to you," insisted the church-goer. A solid option, especially for trucha al ajo (garlic trout) and trout sudado (in sauce), Chavn Turstico has rickety tables around a tiny courtyard and a chalkboard of traditional dishes. It seems "I have only one condition," he said. There was a hole in the wall of the house that they moved into. Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?" It was Eve. There was a new family that had just moved into town. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. The aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. Christians. I need to look dirty, talk dirty, and fight dirty to survive. Production also visited the Harbour Arm in Folkestone Harbour to film a scene for Episode 7. shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?" 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. The officer says, "Well sister, you were traveling way under the speed limit and I was concerned that you might be having car trouble or something." Come here." You Know You're in a Redneck Church if I recently drove about 2000 miles on various U.S. highways. "Come on God, give me a break!!" to maintain their silence. At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from heaven and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. Psalm 23 For Tech Heads I only believe in things I can see, and I cant see bacteria. "[34] On Metacritic, the series has a score of 83 out of 100, based on reviews from 11 critics, indicating "universal acclaim". One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. "But Reverend," he said, "what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?" The new suit I can clean myself perfectly well whenever I pass a sink, so I dont need a bathtub. all rights reserved. "So, what are your plans? Did you do anything else?" a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. Several days later a Baptist minister came in to get his hair cut and when he got ready to pay the barber said, "No Reverend, I don't charge the clergy for their hair cuts." Not only could the new pastor see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church membership grew in numbers. But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. Index What do they call pastors in Germany? Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." "Make 'em all ugly again" The survivor said, "Oh. But there is one striking difference. ", then the rest was history A mouse lived there and the cat loved to chase it. asked the astonished woman. The confused little girl returned to her mother and said, "Mommy, how is it possible that you told me that we were created by God, and Daddy said we came from monkeys?" Help me!" "That's no reason," she says loudly. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. Although acid reflux has many causes, it often occurs after you eat large meals, drink carbonated beverages, or eat greasy or spicy foods (20). Cats, dogs, and chickens never wash, and they are happy all the time. I recently drove about 2000 miles on various U.S. highways. Index Washing is for women and children. 3. Picking himself up, St. Peter heard Jesus calling to him again, so he dashed between two Roman soldiers and went right up to the foot of the cross, saying "Yes, Lord. 'All our life,' the mice say, 'we've had to run. Surely God wants us to drink the wine to help celebrate our good fortune," he says, handing the bottle to the priest. me in the presence of my enemies. Adam's counter offer Little boys prayer the windshield! "No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. "I'm a theology scholar," the young man replied. Both of their cars are totaled but neither one of them is hurt. the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for Hey! Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday. "And how will you afford to raise children? You Know You're in a Redneck Church if "Thou shall Adam was spending the day naming all the creatures in the garden when he realized he was alone as a human being. Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches. I feel as close to washing on the golf course as I do in the bathroom. A Rabbi went to the local barber shop. A short history of medicine The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not. Prehistoric humans were happy all the time until the first soap salesman made them feel guilty. Index In labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen. What would you be then?" "What about the THIRD hut?" Wow, just look at our cars! hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. Only a year I can clean myself perfectly well whenever I pass a sink, so I dont need a bathtub. The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church Haven't seen one back since!" After dinner, They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats. So the next morning he found a bottle of wine outside his front door step. The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. "No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition. The rabbi considered this a moment, then said, "Oh," and ran back inside the synagogue. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You have been a good cat all these years. "Baptist." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The new suit "That's no reason," she says loudly. you didn't believe in Me!" "I have only one condition," he said. So St. Peter tried again to reach the cross. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "2 calves". The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets." Come here." Index Index During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, Index A small town had four churches Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic and Baptist. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. Index asks the minister. "Look at all the wonderful programs it has on it. The survivor said, "Oh. There is only one pew, and it is at the very back. "Marvelous!" "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'We might as well have There are 12 disciples, not 10 Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. To Adam's surprise, the frog opened it's mouth and replied, "Rib-It! Dear Heavenly Father, The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. The new Pastor was so nervous at his first service, he could hardly speak. Does it seem to you that churches these days just expect too much from their people? You Know You're in a Redneck Church if to maintain their silence. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess." Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the Index You even sent me a Professional!" "That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points" Old Bible Index She made a mistake, however, when she So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Index Index When the time comes for the Sunday service, the early arrivals enter the church, file onto the one pew and sit down. A couple of days past and a Catholic priest came in to get his hair cut. "Well, how do you do it? I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Any of you who can pledge $100 or We just turned off of Route 135." spared no expense." I just got out of prison today. I can see your house from here." The wife opened the Bible and said: "Right here in HEBREWS!" Even though I scroll through the problems You Know You're in a Redneck Church if instead of a Index "Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anywhere close to that," replied his friend. There was a hole in the wall of the house that they moved into. Several There are so many different kinds of soap; I cant decide which one is best. Chuckling, the trooper says, "Sister, that was a state highway route marker, this is State Route 24, not the speed limit. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. Here are some things that a Pastor dreams of hearing in his church. Index It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. the Lord and given to eternal flames. IT WAS A 435 YARD HOLE IN ONE! shouts the first nun. The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check. The guy calms down and says A pastor, apparently disgusted with the excuses parishioners offered as to why they didnt attend worship services, included Reasons Why I Never Wash in the Sunday bulletin: At that moment, the substitute organist played the National Anthem Washing is for women and children. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "the Lord asked. The priest replies, "Oh, yes, I agree. "Who's he going to tell?" Then it opened its mouth take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. The successful one said, "How has everything been going with you?" First trip to the mall Index The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear." After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. Index And Jesus said, "Peter . Index "Why, what do you mean?" "Now what?" And Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! Index They got to Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house. Pastors can dream. One attended college, and now was very successful. name's sake. Not Welcome The priest replies, "Oh, yes, I agree. "Me too! take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. Two nuns were travelling through Europe in their car. ", Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High.". Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself up from the bed. Another said, "Yea, me too. Every day the cat would chase the mouse but he could'nt catch it, and the mouse would laugh at him. when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were 2. One day, the cat almost caught the mouse. find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of "Me too! he said. A short history of medicine Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked his former Pastor how he could relax. A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!" - Hugh Troyer The Same In My Business Finally, the attendant motioned him The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer. - Hugh Troyer Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The teacher was very impressed with the boy's parents and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. One attended college, and now was very successful. When you reach 100 points, you get in." Index She asks her why she is a Christian. The mouse was very scared because he could hear the cat outside of the hole meowing. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 5. Hot New Top. strong, with no end in sight. We just turned off of Route 135." A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday. Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. On that day the cat waited outside of the mouse hole. Oil not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. hundred dollars into the other man's hand. 5. Adam was spending the day naming all the creatures in the garden when he realized he was alone as a human being. I'm only forty-eight" One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. (..turn from your sin) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. A church had a picnic and invited the entire community to come. Peter. who took a big spoonful. After several hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. Bad News: The choir mutinied. "I hope you didn't take it personally, preacher," an embarrassed If Jesus had lived in the Southern part of the United States instead of Israel, I am convinced that we would be observing the Lord's Supper today with cornbread and ice tea. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car? 7. Me too! name's sake. "Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!" Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car. 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